Staying Married is the Rough Part. Its the Making it Last part that is so Tough to Accomplish



Posted: Sunday, October 05, 2008

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Yes, when Irma and I tied the knot over 50 years ago we never gave it a thought that staying married would be a problem. That was away back in the late fifties when divorce was something only those odd balls in Hollywood did. In fact, at that time, if a couple wanted to divorce they had to go to Las Vegas and apply for one. They had to stay for a few days to make it legal.

In our little mining town of 9,000 on the east coast of Canada we didn't know anyone who was divorced. We did have a local accountant in our hospital who accepted a well paying position with a company in California. He and his wife moved their entire family to the USA. Less than six months later they arrived back in town to stay. This was considered odd since they were very upright citizens. Well educated and smart in their ways. We later found out that he was working in an office with over two hundred employees. Soon he discovered that almost everyone was having an affair or were in the throes of getting divorced. Very few were staying married. He couldn't understand it. To him, as well as to most Canadians at that time, divorce represented an easy way out of a marriage. He couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want his children growing up in the environment prevailing at that time so he and his wife moved back to our town.

It didn't take too long for the divorce rate to climb in Canada. Today it is probably on a par with the USA.

It's easy to get married. Find someone you like, make the decision, fill out a few papers and it's done. This of course is an over simplification but it covers the bases.

It's staying married that's the tough part. That's where hard work comes into the picture. Perhaps your personalities clash, or one of the partners has a drinking problem. Then there's a possible problem with money, or the lack of it. Infidelity. Personal hygiene. Lack of attention. Lack of love. The list is endless as to why married couples call it quits.

But is divorce the answer? It seems such a drastic step to take. What about all of the work it took to create the marriage in the first place. I'm not just talking about the setting up of the marriage itself, but the work it took to develop the relationship in the first place. The thousands of compromises that each partner had to overcome while building the partnership. Marriage is a matter of give and take. Trading off if you will. If children are involved that makes it even tougher because there is now a family unit.

Communication is so very important. If you don't talk problems out there can be deadlocks.

Step back and take a hard look at the problem. Can either side give a little?

Has each side been honest?

Is it time for a meeting with a marriage councilor?

Is there a way to start over again?

Is someone's ego in the way?

Your feelings are hurt. Are you able to forgive?

Don't make a hasty decision. Life is tough enough without dropping a divorce into the picture. Finally think of the life that may come after divorce. Look at all of the implications it will bring.

Staying married sounds easy. Perhaps too easy. However the consequences of not staying married far outnumber the problems divorce may bring.

We have had our share of pitfalls during our 50 years of married life, but breaking up was never in the cards. Face the problems you may have, discuss them fully. Give your marriage time to work and you will find that staying married will never be a problem.

Joe and Irma Mac Millan have enjoyed the Whistler Mountain and valley area of British Columbia for many years. They have camped, hiked and skied the mountains and fished and kayaked the rivers and lakes. Their website Whistler-Outdoors is a must visit for anyone considering a trip to Whistler as well as the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. They invite one and all to take a look.

Joe and Irma MacMillan have spent many years backpacking, skiing, and simply enjoying life in the mountains of British Columbia. Their website Whistler Outdoors is full of tips on snowboarding, camping, kayaking, rafting, camp cooking and fishing. They met on a blind date in 1957 and are still married. Take a look at their story here About us

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